hands around the cross

hands around the cross

Thursday, January 20, 2011

David is 13 today!

Here I am sitting in my living room all dressed up to go spend the day with my oldest son David. It takes me back 13 years when I was so anxious to meet him! I walked and walked  trying to get things going so I could finally hold the child I had wanted since I was a little girl. I remember thinking how hansome he was when I first saw him, his facial features all perfectly aligned and his dark hair sticking up all over his head! I was in love!

Over the years David was my deeply sweet child who loved being close to me. He bounced off the walls most of time, being silly and either bringing laughter or complete chaos to the home. My David who could not get away with a lie no matter how hard he tried!
I think back over all the mistakes I made and how tough it must be to be the guinny pig when it comes to discipline. I wish I knew then all the things I know now and I wish I had slowed down and enjoyed  David just as he was instead of trying to get him to fit into my expectations of him.

Now, even though he lives with his dad, I will never stop being his mom. I will fight to see him and let him know how much I love him. I will fight the urge to shower him with gifts and shower him with my love and my steadfast presence in his life. I cannot go back and change all the mistakes I have made but I can continue to be a changed child of God and keep teaching David by actions and not words.

Lord I pray your protection over my son. I hand him over to you Lord, knowing that the seeds that have been planted over the years will be kept alive by Your Holy Spirit until the time comes that they are allowed to grow. Lord I pray that you would keep David's heart soft towards you no matter how hard it becomes towards me. I pray that one day David lives his life for You and seeks to know Your word and a deep relationship with You. God thank you so much for every moment You give me with my child. Please help me to see him as You see him and let him be himself. In Jesus Holy name, Amen.

I love you Lord...I love you David...Happy Birthday!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

growing pains

Dear Lord,

I just come to you now and I lift up to You my children. Lord please melt their hearts where they have become hard. Please guide me to raise them to be the people You desire them to be. Lord You knew them before me, they are Your creations, help me to know them without smothering them, love them while giving them room to fall, stand back while still being close enough to catch them. God You know the pain of my heart. Please God help me endure these times with a silent strength that comforts my children. Close my mouth when I want to guilt them into talking to me. God please be my sounding board, be my Rock. Lord, please let me know deep inside that they will come through this and You are with them, never leaving their side. God I give you my boys and I ask You to make them Your men. Thank you for the time I had to be their mommy, please keep them close to me always.

I love you so much Lord.
Thank you
In Jesus Holy Name,

Monday, January 17, 2011

For the love of tappy shoes

This is a memory I always said I needed to write down for Issy when she gets older...

So, Isabelle and I were out yard sailing, typical Saturday morning in June 2010. My sweet four year old daughter found a lady who was selling a Cinderella dress costume. This was no normal costume though, it actually had lights sewn into the skirt so that a little girl could switch the button and suddenly be transformed into a real fairytale princess! Of course, we bought the dress. Isabelle is no fashion dud though so she knew immediatly that she would need shoes. She went to the next table and searched and sure enough came up with a pair of white mary janes with little heels on them. They were only a size too big so we got the shoes too and Issy left the yard sale fully outfitted in Cinderella attire despite the 100 degree heat.

The next stop for the day was Wal-Mart. I was already hot and sweaty from the yard sale shopping  so I did not even listen as Isabelle begged me to let her walk by herself in the store. I put her in the child seat in front of cart and told her not to give me a hard time. Amazingly she stayed put without too much complaint!

When we reached the shoe section I found some tennis shoes on sale that would fit Isabelle so I took off her new little white "tappy shoes" as she called them to try on the tennis shoes. That was when she asked me the question that melted my heart right then and there while at the same time making me roll with laughter at the innocence of a four year old girl....

Issy looked at me with her huge blue eyes and just as serious as she could said, "Mommy, before you put my tappy shoes back on can you please just slap them on the floor a little so I can hear the sound they make?"

Even now I have a happy tear thinking of how important this small thing was to my little girl. All she wanted to do that day was walk through Wal-Mart in her new-used tappy shoes and listen to the sound they made on the floor. Can you imagine feeling that way just one more time in your life? With all of my busy-ness and sweat and rushing I had failed to see the most simple beautiful thing that could make my child smile....and to think the whole experience cost less than two dollars!

So today as my daughter stands beside me while I type, tying a scarf around my head so that I can look like Mary mother of Jesus, I pray that the Lord will always remind me to slow down and listen to sound of the tappy shoes on the ground...

My First Blog

Well, I came across this site after adding a parent of one of my children's church students to my Facebook. I was impressed by her willingness to publish her thoughts and I thought it was a wonderful way to connect and communicate who you really are to other people. I am often in a whirl wind of activity so getting to know the real me can be difficult at best. So who am I?? I am Kelley Steen, God's child and servant. I am in love with the Lord and although I spend most of time picking myself up from my stumbling, He still loves me and even now I can feel His presence in my soul.

I am also Mom. I have four of the most awesome and unique kids in the world. David is my oldest, he will turn 13 this week. He is living with his dad now at his request because he just felt like something was missing in his life. David has always been my mirror, I saw myself in him so many times, and it was usually the best parts of me. His compassion for people, deep emotional attachments and his strength in adversity are gifts that the Lord has given our little family in abundance.

My beautiful middle boy is Adam. Poor Adam has had it rough from the beginning. Being a middle child and looking completely different from anyone in the family with his blond hair and striking blue eyes, he always felt a bit like an outsider. Thankfully, I am a middle child too and I can relate to his feelings and calm him down quicker than anyone. Unfortunately most people mistake his cautiousness and insecurity as brattiness and disrespect so he has had a hard time forming relationships with other adults. The Lord has been working on Adam though and over the past year I have seen him becoming a young man with confidence and self respect.

My youngest boy John has always been the baby of the family, that is until his little sister Isabelle arrived. John still claims his role as the youngest male and fights for his right to be a little spoiled. It is not hard with his good looks and sweet eyes. John too has grown in his knowledge of the Lord and I can see a real man of God coming up in Him.

Last but not at all least is Princess Isabelle. I thank the Lord everyday for giving me a little girl. She is strong willed, demanding and LOUD but she is also sweet, caring, smart and loves nothing more than hugging her mama. At a time in my life when I deserved less than nothing, God presented me with a gift more precious than rubies or gold.

Well, this is my family. We are broken, sinners stuggling everyday to come closer to the Lord. I thought that if I am going to start blogging, I better introduce the characters in the story. I pray that as you read you will see the hand of God over a family who is truly living to serve Him.

happy reading...be blessed.