Here I am sitting in my living room all dressed up to go spend the day with my oldest son David. It takes me back 13 years when I was so anxious to meet him! I walked and walked trying to get things going so I could finally hold the child I had wanted since I was a little girl. I remember thinking how hansome he was when I first saw him, his facial features all perfectly aligned and his dark hair sticking up all over his head! I was in love!
Over the years David was my deeply sweet child who loved being close to me. He bounced off the walls most of time, being silly and either bringing laughter or complete chaos to the home. My David who could not get away with a lie no matter how hard he tried!
I think back over all the mistakes I made and how tough it must be to be the guinny pig when it comes to discipline. I wish I knew then all the things I know now and I wish I had slowed down and enjoyed David just as he was instead of trying to get him to fit into my expectations of him.
Now, even though he lives with his dad, I will never stop being his mom. I will fight to see him and let him know how much I love him. I will fight the urge to shower him with gifts and shower him with my love and my steadfast presence in his life. I cannot go back and change all the mistakes I have made but I can continue to be a changed child of God and keep teaching David by actions and not words.
Lord I pray your protection over my son. I hand him over to you Lord, knowing that the seeds that have been planted over the years will be kept alive by Your Holy Spirit until the time comes that they are allowed to grow. Lord I pray that you would keep David's heart soft towards you no matter how hard it becomes towards me. I pray that one day David lives his life for You and seeks to know Your word and a deep relationship with You. God thank you so much for every moment You give me with my child. Please help me to see him as You see him and let him be himself. In Jesus Holy name, Amen.
I love you Lord...I love you David...Happy Birthday!
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